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Voluptuary

by Kevin Mercurio

I step out of my car and look up. Behind the blow-up inflatable and balloons was the car dealership sign. I want to buy a new car. I need to buy a new car.

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As I’m walking to the entrance, I turn back and look at that piece of shit. The sides are rusting, the blue hue is fading, the headlights staring back like depressed eyes. A homeless man wouldn’t even steal this.

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Inside is magnificent. So much luxury, so much excitement! People happy to test their new vehicles. Wow, they can park themselves now?

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“Hi there, buddy! What can I help you with today?” He’s a good looking, middle-aged man. Black, slick-backed hair. Tidy suit. Fresh.

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“I’m here for a new car,” I say. “Have any particular deals out right now?”

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With a smile he says, “Of course buddy, but only for you!”

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He brings me to the back of the room, where there are more balloons and commotion. We stand in front of the most gorgeous sports utility vehicle: perfect size, shine, blue colour. Sitting within, I feel the leather seats and full-touchscreen dashboard. And it parks itself. I love it.

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“Buddy, for you today, you get it at a steal! Let’s step into my office and sign those papers, shall we?”

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We pass by another car with a price a bit less than that of the SUV. Smaller frame, much smaller actually. Fabric seats. I’m curious…

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“Do you ever sell any of those ones?” I ask with a smirk.

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“That? Not really, it’s one of our new electric cars. Lesser in price but also in quality when you compare it to that beautiful SUV. Not something I see someone like you in, buddy!”

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“Electric? Doesn’t require gas at all?”

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“It does not. But the SUV has top-notch fuel economy. Second to none, actually.”

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“So I will never have to pump gas into that car? How does the battery recharge?”

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“Well it’s a solar cell. You can also plug it into any outlet or charging station. Not many of those though, compared to gas stations.”

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“So you’re saying I never have to pay for gas again? How’s the long distance?”

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“It’s about the same. But it’s also quite small. Can only fit about four, buddy.”

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“Well I really just need to go from Point A to Point B, as a car is meant to do. Why didn’t you show me this one?”

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“Most people go with the better sale on our higher end models. I mean, these are the cars most people dream of, and the price is more than reasonable, buddy. I’m here to show the best people our best cars.”

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“So here you have an SUV that looks amazing, with fuel economy topping the list for larger vehicles. While you have another smaller vehicle, a tad less in price, and I will never have to pay for gas again?”

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“Yes.”

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I got the SUV. I’m a lawyer for Christ sakes, buddy.

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_____

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“It is the preoccupation with possessions, more than anything else, that prevents us from living freely and nobly.”
– Bertrand Russell

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